I have the flu. A really nasty one that won't go away. I have no time for it. I never have time for it. I had a lovely trip to Europe to see family and friends and theatre and all good things. I returned home full of vigor to restart my body and restart my life and read my Yoga Journal cover to cover.
Cough cough. So it began. Nearly two weeks later I sound like a freight train rumbling through the station. Sleep is easy, medicated to the hilt. And still, every morning I wake up, still sick. Sometimes worse, sometimes almost a glimmer of better, but overall definitely really sick. The doctor says it has to run its course, and it's not the current trendy swine flu. No this goes by the uninspiring name of "seasonal."
I'm wondering why my body betrayed me like this. I was really going to give it good nourishing food, more yoga and meditation. I was serious this time, a new improved me. Why didn't my body believe me and do it's share? Is this my subconscious sabotaging efforts to be better? Am I secretly a loser hanging on to a foolish possibility of change when it's all predestined from birth - like who gets to be Brad Pitt or Michelle Obama? I'm sure they work hard and deserve themselves and it probably wasn't easy and maybe their work ethic is ten times mine but really, I was on a roll. I had a plan!
Then my body said oops, not yet. Momentum is now so far behind the only way I see to catch up with chores fallen by the wayside is to throw everything away and start over.
Now that I think of it, maybe I tried to change with the same old junk. Maybe the junk goes first then the change. I'll try that next time.
Meanwhile I've lost five pounds, no appetite with all the meds. So maybe I'm not so far off course after all. I guess there are worse diets out there. But it probably wouldn't kill me to give away a lot of junk, either. Maybe this is my wakeup call, that maybe my body said sure, I can take off that pesky weight and then we'll buckle down to serious exercise. Maybe this is me in action!
Or maybe I just have the damn flu.